


Wedding Not For Me

by TheDeadAreWalking



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Suicide, cas sided angst, lisa and dean get married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-08 23:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3227105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeadAreWalking/pseuds/TheDeadAreWalking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is getting married. It's wonderful. It's what he deserves.</p><p>At least that's what Cas tells himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wedding Not For Me

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently I wrote this months ago at 12:30 at night I remember the story but not posting it on Wattpad...whatever

This was the best day of Dean's life. It was unbelievable. It was a miracle really. Some how they had stopped the demons, and the angels, and the monsters were slowly learning their place in this world and Team Free Will was able to just slow down enough to have a life. Sam had given up on romance. He had friends and that's all he felt he needed in life. He needed his brother and his best friend and that was it. Until he hit other dog of course only this time no women was attached. Just a small little dog that Sam keep in his little house. He was happy has he could be... and hunted on the weekends.

But this is about Dean. Dean had still thought he was poison for years after Crowley had ordered all demons to hell for 1000 years and only came up himself to talk to the Winchesters from time to time. But with help from Sam and Cas he slowly began to break down his walls he had build so high and thick. Then she showed up again, Lisa. She still didn't remember him but that was fine, Dean made her fall in love with him all over again and Ben soon after. Dean proposed at a family dinner, Sam burst into tears and hugged Lisa and slapped Ben on the shoulder and Cas quietly congratulated them both.

A few hours later Sam went outside to get some air. Dean and Lisa's house was big but tonight it seemed crowded. Sam looked over not surprised to see the ex-angel staring up at the night sky.

"Do you miss it? Them?" Sam asked quietly. Cas turned his head slightly to look at Sam.

"Of course but then again," Cas said looked back to the door to the house, "I have many reason to give it all up."

Sam smiled sadly at Cas, "You love him don't you?"

Cas' head snapped to look at Sam before lowering his eyes to his feet, "Of course I do. But he is happy...he deserves this."

"Will you be ok though?"

Cas thought about the question for a while before finally answering, "No."

 

"I do," Dean said staring at his bride.

Cas was sitting in the back of the chapel. His head fell down to look at his lap the moment the words left Dean's mouth. Dean had begged him to he one of his best men but Cas told him he couldn't. Cas just didn't want to be anywhere near this whole thing but he loved Dean so he would at least come.Cas suddenly heard clapping and cheering all around him and realized that he had zoned out and that Dean was currently kissing his wife. He could feel his throat tightening and also that he was being watched. He did a quick scan when his eyes feel on Sam who was standing next to Dean. He smiled up at Sam but knew the man saw right through it.

 

Cas wondered if Dean noticed him disappearing. If he noticed that his weekly visits and daily calls turned into monthly visits and weekly calls until finally he came around once and a while and didn't bother calling. He hasn't talked to Dean in 9 months. Cas wondered, as he sat with a needle stuck in his arm and the drugs coursing through his veins. It may not be the apocalypse but that vision of 2014 wasn't very far off. Cas felt himself fall into a drug induced sleep and escape life for a while.

 

"Cas," Cas heard a voice calling out to him, "Cas, come one man, wake up," Cas felt as if his eye lids weighed a thousand pounds but he managed to open them. Sam was crouching in front of him pity written all over his face. "Cas, you have to stop. You're killing yourself."

Cas laughed hollowly, "Sam... I already am dead," That was the first time Sam ever really cried over Cas.

 

"How you doing man? I mean your not looking well. Is there still something burning you out?"

Cas stared blankly at the man in front of him. Dean had grown so much as a person over these last 5 years. He and Lisa had a son, Will, and were the happiest couple you have ever met. Cas wondered slightly if Dean ever knew he loved him. He couldn't quiet hold that thought too long before it slipped away like all his other thoughts.

"Cas?" Dean called out when The ex-angel said nothing for a long minute.

"Dean, look at me?" Cas said.

"I'm looking." Dean said with a laugh.

"No Dean. Look at me." Cas said sterner.

"What am I looking for?" Dean said confused.

Cas took a deep breath and sighed before going into a coughing fit. He looked in his hand and saw blood. Nothing unusual there but apparently Dean saw it and thought differently.

"Cas what they hell was that?"

"Blood."

Dean rushed over to his counter and got a towel and took Cas' hands in his own and rubbing the blood from them. Cas closed his eyes and relished in the feeling if Dean touching him and being so close. All too soon Dean pulled away and say back to the other end of the table. "Cas, why are you coughing up blood? When did it start?"

"Two years ago," Cas answered calmly.

"Tw-two years?! Cas what the hell why didn't you tell anyone I mean-" Dean started ranting.

"Sam knows," Cas said in a flat voice.

"Sam knows? What else does Sam know that I don't," Dean said in a heated voice.

"He knows that I have been doing drugs for five years, attempted killing myself seven times, been in the hospital for various reasons over thirty times and that I will most likely die before the month is over," Cas stared at Dean and watched as his face slowly feel and pieces of a puzzle slide together. Cas stood up slowly wobbling slightly, "I'm leaving now. Please don't come to my funeral and tell Lisa I fucking hate her and Dean," Cas quickly leaned over and kissed Dean chastely on the lips before turning away and leaving, "I loved you. Still do I think," Dean wasn't sure how long he sat at that table. It had to be hours because he looked to the window and it was now early morning. Dean's mind was playing events over faster than he could handle trying to figure everything out. Cas tried to kill himself. Cas does drugs. Cas is dying. Cas is in love with him. Cas....Castiel...Dean numbly reached into his pocket and called Sam. He never thought he would do what he was about to do but he needed to do it.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean what's up? You alright it's 4 in the morning what's wrong?"

"Cas is in love with me."

"I know. I've known."

"Cas tried to kill himself. Why... why did no one tell me?" He heard Sam sigh.

"Dean.. I love you more than anything but..you destroyed him. He just wants it over and now he's sick and going to die. Dean listen to me. You lost Cas a long time ago just...let me handle it and forget about him like you have and we will act like this never happened," Dean sat stunned as he heard the line go dead.

*

Sam went over to Cas's on a Sunday. He lived in a trashy apartment that had no heat and horrible water pressure. Sam found Cas in his bed on a Sunday. He looked peaceful. Sam knew he was gone the moment he saw him and then he saw all the empty pill bottles next to his mattress and next to the bottles was a letter.

Dear Sam,

Thank you. You were the only one that cared about me in the end and I think you deserve the world. I am currently rotting in hell were I should be. I'm trash. You knew that. So did Dean. That had to be why he drifted away from me. That had to be why he stopped caring about me. Maybe he never did. Maybe he only needed me for my powers and once hell and heaven were in order I was just able to be set aside. I was jsut an angel to be used for my power as I had been used for all of my existence and once I was human I was worthless. Well now I'm burning. Sam I want you to be happy with your life so just set the memories of me on a shelf somewhere far away deep in your closet. Lock them in a box and leave them and maybe once and a whole pull them out and look at them but don't dwell on them. Sam in the most loving way I mean this. I love you my dearest friend now let me rest. The rest of this letter is for Dean.

Dear Dean,

I love you and I want you to know----

The rest of the letter was never read because Sam pulled out a lighter and burnt it. He burnt the whole thing. Sam sat for hours crying over his best friend before calling the police to report a suicide.

*  
It would be three weeks after Cas's funeral before Dean found out. Sam was over for Sunday dinner at Dean's when Dean looked around as if just realizing something was missing.

"Sam..where is Cas?"

Sam paused and he could barely contain his rage. Sam looked around the table. Lisa was happily eating, Ben was on his phone and Will was cooing. "Castiel is dead," Sam stood up started to leave. "You son of a bitch."

Sam never spoke to Dean again.

*

Dean Winchester was 92 years old. He had finally found it something he had been looking for a long long time for.

Castiel Novak Winchester

That's what the tombstone read. Dean leaned on his cane and stared down at the stone. It was clean and well kept. He knew Sam cared for it more than anything but this was the first time he had ever found it.

"Cas, I'm sorry. I love you too. God I'm so sorry," Dean sat on the cold ground and cried for hours.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you thought...thanks...I know it sucked!


End file.
